Training the Heart - Not Just the Action
One of my daughters-in-law has given her children jobs, or chores as some would call them, to do each afternoon after they come home from school.
It falls to her second child, a boy, to get the washing in.
One day, he must have been feeling particularly efficient. Normally on arriving home from school, his first thought is ‘food’. However several months ago, he walked through the front door, dropped his school bag, then walked straight out the back door to the clothesline and began taking the washing off the line.
He didn’t notice that the washing was still damp. His mother had only hung it out two hours earlier, so it hadn’t dried yet.
He brought it in and happily showed his mother that the washing was in already. My daughter-in-law opened her mouth to say something like, “Oh no. That won’t be dry yet!” in a reprimanding tone. However, she felt constrained and held her tongue.
She realised that her son had simply been doing his job. It also seemed to her that his efficiency had been motivated by a desire to bless her.
She changed her attitude and thanked her son for a job well done. Once she had done that she went on to teach him how to check if the washing is dry before taking it off the line.
It would have been easy for her to be annoyed. Another baby was due in four months and getting things done was becoming a bit more of an effort than normal. Her son’s action created work for her as she had to re-hang the washing.
If she had become annoyed, it would have been a result of venting her own frustrations at the situation, and her son’s happiness in blessing his mother would have been crushed by her disapproval.
Instead, by thanking him first, then gently going on to explain to him what to do when the washing is not dry, he felt approved and at the same time, she helped him understand more of the intricacies of the job.
I was blessed to learn of this incident. My daughter-in-law acted in wisdom. She said to me that she realised that she has to train her children’s hearts, not just their actions. Her son had acted out of obedience and with a desire to bless her. If she had reprimanded him she would have damaged his heart.
From a ‘heart’ point of view, he had done nothing wrong. From an ‘action’ point of view he still had a few things to learn - and that is the easier part of the job.
So next time you find yourself about to hastily reprimand your child, hold your tongue and consider the situation first. All may not be quite as it seems and a few moments consideration could mean that you instruct your child’s heart rather than damaging it.