The Name Change Challenge
My parents gave each of their three daughters two first names. Lots of parents do that. However, for some reason, my parents decided that each of us would be known by our second names - and most parents don’t do that.
Further to that, my second name was ‘Susan’, but my parents called me by the abbreviated version, ‘Sue’. And that’s how I was known for the first 33 years of my life.
Around the age of 33, I began to think that it would be nice to be called by my full second name ‘Susan’. The thought persisted over a three month period, to the point that I began to wonder if these thoughts were actually coming from God.
However, each time I considered asking people to call me ‘Susan’, it always seemed too hard. Years of habit would be difficult to break for some people, and anyway, I was used to ‘Sue’ and changing to ‘Susan’ felt awkward.
God knew I needed a clear nudge. He had tried to get through to me for three months without success. One day, at the end of a lady’s meeting I attended each week, a woman piped up and said to me, “Why don’t you call yourself ‘Susan’. It’s much nicer than ‘Sue’.”
I was quite taken aback. No-one had ever said that to me. None of the discussion to that point would have prompted such a remark. To the other ladies, it would have sounded like a little whimsical comment, but to me, it was the voice of God.
So I changed my name from ‘Sue’ to ‘Susan’.
Now, you would think it can’t have been too hard wouldn’t you. After all it was just a simple name change.
Well, the first obstacle I had to cross was myself. I felt awkward calling myself ‘Susan’. It was unfamiliar turf and didn’t seem to fit me. I nearly choked on the name several times as I felt the embarrassment of stating my new name to friends and family. It took me six months to become fully comfortable with my new identity.
The next obstacle I faced was the response of friends and family. Some were wonderfully generous in their efforts to re-educate themselves and call me ‘Susan’. I have appreciated that. For those who see me often, I am sure the name is no longer a problem for them. I notice that others of these generous souls who see me less often, still sometimes forget, but I know their intent is to honour my request and for that I am grateful.
A few of my friends and family thought the name change was a joke, a humorous little aside that I would soon get over. Some have eventually begun to call me ‘Susan’. Others simply don’t want to make the effort.
The final broad category of reactions is what I could the ‘stubborn’ category. These are the handful of people who simply refuse to call me ‘Susan’. One person said to me, ‘I’ve always known you as Sue and that’s what I’ll always call you.’
For those who have made the effort to come with me on my name change journey, I have been thankful. Their consideration makes me feel valued and loved.
For those who won’t honour my request to be called ‘Susan’, my heart has been tested. Many times I have had to quietly extend grace and forgiveness.
There’s another challenge I have faced since my name was changed. We have travelled to many countries, and I have to admit that the country in which I am faced with this challenge the most is my own country, Australia.
On the whole, Australians love to abbreviate names or even change them altogether. ‘William’ becomes ‘Will’ or ‘Bill’. Sally becomes ‘Sal’ etc. But if ‘William’ who is called ‘Bill’ happens to have red hair, he might end up being given the nickname ‘Blue’ or ‘Bluey’. I have called my five adult sons by their full names all their lives. However, each of them is known to their friends by a shortened version of their names, or a nickname.
I don’t have a philosophical problem with shortened names and nicknames as long as that is what the person wants to be called. However, I do have a problem when I call myself one thing and people call me something else. A very common scenario when I am introduced to a stranger is this:
“Susan, meet Deborah.”
Then I say, “Hi Deborah. Glad to meet you.”
Then Deborah says, “Hi Sue. Glad to meet you too.”
By then, the hairs on the back of my neck can be prickling. She was introduced to me as ‘Deborah’. I could have said, “Hi Debbie”, but I gave her the courtesy of calling her by her introduced name.
I was introduced to her as ‘Susan’, and she took the liberty of shortening my name without first checking my preference.
Then there are a couple of interesting situations that I am also faced with and into which I have to inject God’s grace. I have a friend who I hadn’t seen or spoken to for over twenty years. By the time we re-connected, I was known as ‘Susan’. Her husband, who I had only ever known by his full name was now called by his abbreviated name, and she was now known by her second name instead of her first name.
I quickly adjusted to the name changes and for several years have been calling them by their preferred names. However, they still call me ‘Sue’ and have made no effort to do otherwise. Once again, this has provided me with the opportunity to quietly extend grace. There were times I wrestled with it and thought, ‘Well I’ll just call them by their old names too’. Each time I was tempted in this direction, God would convict me of my wrong motives, and show me that the relationship was more important than the name. - even though I’d love them to call me ‘Susan’.
Why have I told you all this? Perhaps its therapeutic!
Actually, there is a point.
Ever heard of a guy named ‘Abram’. He had a wife called ‘Sarai’ and a grandson called ‘Jacob’. Apart from being family, they had another thing in common. God changed each of their names. It seems that names are important to God. He doesn’t change things on a whim, but for a purpose.
Abram became ‘Abraham’. It means ‘Father of many nations’ and reflected the destiny God had for him.
Sarai became ‘Sarah’ as it better reflected her calling not only as a ‘princess’ but a ‘Mother of Nations’ as Genesis 17:16 puts it.
And Jacob the ‘supplanter’ or ‘deceiver’ was renamed ‘Israel’, meaning ‘a prince with God’ and ‘a wrestler with God’. From Israel were born sons after whom the 12 tribes of Israel were named.
Before I changed my own name, I used to think that these name changes took place smoothly and without fuss. In fact, I assumed friends, family and acquaintances breezily embraced the new names, thus creating a painless transition.
It wasn’t until some years after changing my own name that it struck me that Abraham, Sarah and Israel all probably faced many challenges similar to the ones I experienced.
Just imagine …..
Abram had been living in the land of Canaan for 24 years when Almighty God turned up to talk to him. (See Genesis 16:3,16; 17:1). God tells Abram that He is establishing a covenant between Him and Abram. It’s a powerful covenant of wonderful blessing. In keeping with the import of the covenant, God also tells Abram that He is changing Abram’s name to ‘Abraham’ and Sarai’s name to ‘Sarah’.
Abraham and Sarah didn’t have a choice in the matter. Even if they hadn’t accepted their new names, God had pronounced them to be so.
However, though they probably took time to adjust to their new names, they did accept them. The bigger challenge was getting others to call them by their new names.
As I said, Abraham had lived in Canaan for 24 years by the time God spoke to Him. He had a very large household and hundreds of servants. He was powerful and influential, so many people outside his household would have known him also.
The first person he spoke to was probably Sarai.
“Sarai darling. I’ve just had a conversation with Almighty God. He’s given me some wonderful promises about our descendants and told me He’s changed our names. He’s calling me ‘Abraham’ and said you’re to be called ‘Sarah’.”
Now we understand that Sarai was a submissive wife, so Abraham may not have had any real problem at that point. Perhaps she questioned him. Perhaps she even wondered why her old name wasn’t acceptable. But, understanding what the Bible has to say about Sarah, I will assume that the name change was embraced in good spirit.
However, I suspect that not everyone was going to be as compliant as Sarah. People are people everywhere, and if the responses I have had to my name change are anything to go by, then Abraham would also have received a range of responses. Some people would have readily honoured his request. Some would have scoffed and refused to call him by the new name God had given him. And some would have been in between the two extremes.
Back then, the meanings of names had a much greater social significance than they do now. My imagination has me hearing some people accusing Abraham of pride. “He’s got tickets on himself. Thinks he’s going to father a whole lot of nations. Can’t he just settle for what he’s already got.” “He thinks GOD spoke to Him.”
“He’s nearly 100 and he thinks he’s going to have more children.”
All sorts of things could have been said, and many of those would have come back to Abraham. Perhaps years later, some people were still calling him ‘Abram’.
He could have been discouraged in the process, so he had a decision to make.
Had God spoken to him? Yes. Therefore, despite any naysayers, he was going to walk with God in covenant agreement. He would take hold of his destiny, and signify that by the embracing of his new name. He did it with grace. He did it in faith. He did it with a faithful heart.