High Places pt 10 INDIVIDUAL DIFFERENCES
I had just finished the third session of a four part seminar series on Parenting and opened up for questions. A lady stood and said that what I had shared was good but it didn’t take into account individual differences in children. She said that some children are more sensitive than others and for them, just a quiet word would probably be all that is needed to correct them whereas other children might need a solid spanking.
I couldn’t agree more. I couldn’t disagree more.
Children are different. God has given them different strengths and different personalities. Some become good at sport and others at music. Some are outgoing, others are shy. They have different likes and dislikes. Some love soccer and others can’t stand it. Some love jelly and others turn their nose up at it. Some are more sensitive, more compliant, more rambunctious or more outgoing.
But it doesn’t matter what the differences, God has given us basic principles by which we must train our children. These are universal and non-negotiable.
It is only once we have done this that individual differences can be considered. Individual differences must never be honoured above God’s Word.
About 25 years ago, I came to know of a family who had four children the youngest of whom had Down Syndrome. Children with Down Syndrome typically have ‘challenging behaviour’ and are often described as ‘stubborn’. They generally show higher rates of attention problems, compulsions, social withdrawal, anxiety and disobedience than the average child.
The parents of this child were advised by well-meaning medical people, friends and family of the difficulties of raising such a child. They were told they would need to treat this child very differently from the rest of their children, and that they had to expect a lot of disruptions in their home.
As the parents prayed about the situation they believed that God required that they train their Down Sydnrome child with the same Biblical wisdom and instruction with which they were training their first three children. They recognised that though the child had special needs God didn’t make exceptions in His training method for special needs children. Consequently, the parents chose to honour God’s Word in the training of this child by using the rod when appropriate and instructing the child as needed.
It wasn’t all smooth sailing. There was no denying that the child was different and the parents had much to learn about raising a Down Syndrome child. But they never wavered from their path of honouring God.
As the years went by, the results were clear to see. The child exhibited none of the behavioural problems typical of a Down Syndrome child. Though her medical condition created its own problems and limitations she fitted in well with the family routine, related with her siblings and was obedient to her parents.
The parents could have made ‘Individual Differences’ a high place by putting it above God’s Word. Instead they chose to honour God’s Word and in so doing reaped the fruit of their faith and obedience.